NBA Doomed, NHL Says "Try Me"

DC Sports Nexus ---- Monday, November 14, 2011

Some sad news came across the wire today as the NBA players rejected the NBA owners most recent proposal. This means their union has de-certified and it probably means there won't be an NBA season. Once again, I have to suggest the NHL as the alternative. Take it from me, I made the switch and I'm having a great time. The following may help NBA fans adjust to the new sport.

Basketball vs Hockey:

Instead of playing basketball, hockey players play hockey. Ug, that's gonna be the #1 thing that keeps you away isn't it...Hockey is 12 minutes longer, does that help?

Quarters vs Periods:

Instead of 4 quarters, hockey has 3 periods. That means instead of 1 halftime, there are 2 intermissions. This sucks at first, but you get used to it. It gives you an extra break to grab some food, beer, and to pray for the NBA to come back.

Hardwood vs Ice:

Instead of playing on a hardwood court, hockey is played on ice. NBA players usually just run with the ball anyway, so imagine the skating as a Patrick Ewing travel that isn't called.

Ball vs Puck:

Instead of playing with a round ball, hockey is played with a puck. Since you can't see the tiny puck on TV, you can just imagine a basketball is being passed around like I do.

David Stern vs ?:

Instead of having old grumpy man David Stern, hockey has some other guy that I have never heard of. That's the way it should be, I don't care to hear about players tucking in their shirts, I care about watching them play.

Hack-A-Shaq vs Punching In The Face:

Instead of mildly fouling a player when they catch the ball, hockey players fight each other. Just think of how most Knicks games end, except in hockey Jeff Van Gundy isn't hanging on to someones leg.

Scoring Every Minute vs Scoring A Few Times Per Game:

Instead of having scores of a combined 200 points, hockey has combined scores that usually stay under double digits. This makes goals more exciting, and adds something called "defense" to the game, something that NBA fans may not know about.

Rap Music vs Organ Music

Instead of playing rap music during gameplay, hockey has organ music that stops when the gameplay resumes. That means if you watch hockey, you won't have to hear Soulja Boy during a crucial moment in the game.

Having Lebron James vs Not Having Lebron James:

Instead of having a player named Lebron James, hockey does not have a player named Lebron James. This leads to less crying, less flopping, less choking, and overall less dickiness. Also, there is no 4th quarter in hockey for Lebron to not show up to.

The only suggestion I have is that the NHL hires Ernie, Kenny, & Charles Barkley to do Inside the NHL. Sure they don't know anything about hockey, but I think it would be damn funny.


galaxysong9 said...

You may not know the commish Gary Bettman yet, but if you keep up the hockey, you will... oh, you will...

ATP said...

I echo what the above commenter said re: Bettman (I always hear that name in my head like Seinfeld's "Newman"). Especially if you stick around until the playoffs. That shootout you love to hate? All Bettman. Oh, hey, he comes from the NBA!

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