The Legend Of Keith Aucoin

Once upon a time there was a dragon.  It was the most badass dragon in the history of dragons.  Even more badass than Falkor from the Neverending Story.  This particular dragon had not only killed every knight, wizard, and warrior in the land, but he also killed their families.  This dragon even killed Chuck Norris.  I told you it was a badass dragon.

Once upon a time, the same time in fact, there was a warrior.  He was the most badass warrior in the history of warriors.  Even more of a badass than the Ultimate Warrior.  This particular warrior had not only killed every beast, ogre, and dragon in the land, but he also killed their families.  This warrior even killed that stupid monster from Cloverfield.  I told you he was a badass warrior.

One day the warrior and the dragon, for reason unbeknownst to anyone, decided to both walk down the exact same path at the exact same time.  Suddenly, the dragon and the warrior were face to face.  Now, you may be thinking that a great battle was about to ensue.  But you would be wrong.  These two powerful entities did not clash, instead, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, they combined in a magical and wonderful fireball to form a giant egg.  From that egg, Keith Aucoin was born.

From the moment the egg hatched, the fate and destiny of the entire universe were altered.  This man…no this god-like Goliath would go on to make his mark on history.  Where a mere mortal would use a  hockey stick that goes up to their chin, Aucoin used one that went up to the moon.  Where a human would pass a puck to another player, Aucoin would teleport the puck.  Where man would check another man, Aucoin would crunch their soul against the boards causing them to become more enlightened.

Some people say that this Aucoin does not exist.  Some will tell you he is just a legend.  But I think, if you believe, and you look hard enough, you may see him and the Aucoin Army skating down the ice at Verizon Center making the world a better place…