Hockey Stats WTF

For someone who is new to a sport, looking at a box score can be challenging.  I know when I tried to talk some trash when India played Pakistan in cricket, I couldn't do it because I couldn't figure out the stat sheet.  On guy scored like 200 runs...in one game!

The NHL isn't quite as confusing as cricket.  It is easy to tell when someone scores a goal, has an assist, or when a goalie gets a save.  However there are some other weird abbreviations on the stat sheet that could easily puzzle a hockey noob.

G:  Goals, this is easy.  One guy shoots.  If it goes in, it is a goal.  (Unless it barely touches another players jersey on the way)

A:  Assists, easy at first glance.  With this number you know who officially was credited with an assist.  You don't know if that person actually helped lead to the scoring of the goal.  An assist can be a random pass from a goalie at the other end of the ice, a missed shot that someone rebounds and scores, or even a shot that accidentally hits another players stick and goes in.  I beleive 12 players get credited with an assist on every goal.

P:  Points.  Wait what?  Points?  Isn't that the same as goals?  No.  Not in hockey.  In hockey you get points for a goal and for an assist.  In theory you could miss 3 shots, but have 3 points because the rebounds were scored.  Goalies can score points too.  And for some crazy reason, assists are worth the same amount of points as a goal, so you could have the greatest goal of all time, but on paper another guy who had 2 random passes would have more points.

S:  Shots.  This is easy.  When a guy shoots it.  Oh, it isn't that easy?  What counts as a shot?  Apparently if a goalie doesn't save the shot, it isn't a shot?  If a shot is blocked by a defender, it isn't a shot?  I like basketball.  If you shoot it, it is a shot.  Simple.  An airball is a shot.  When you get blocked it is a shot.

+/-:  I've already written about this evil stat over and over again.  When you see this, just move along.  Nothing to see here.

PIM:  What the hell is PIM.  Honestly, the first time I saw this I had no clue what it was.  And people don't say P.I.M., they pronounce it like it is a real word.  Luckily Google was there to save me.  PIM is the abbreviation for Penalty Minutes.  Where does the "I" come from?  Google tells me it means "In".  Way to add a meaningless word to a stat NHL.  PM.  Bam. I would have known what that meant!

EV TOI, PP TOI, SH TOI, TOI:  That is more toi's than Santa Clause.  Instead of using a common sports stat like Minutes (Min), hockey has Time on Ice.  Looking at the penalty minutes stats I wonder why don't they call it TOIIM.  I mean I've been assuming the time was written like Days:Hours.  How am I to know this is in minutes?  Plus TOIIM sounds like "time" so it makes it easy to remember.

And why do I need to know how much time someone spent in different situations.  I barely care how much time they spent in aggregate, let alone separated into four categories.  What is next?  Are we going to see new stats in the future like EN TOI (Time on Ice with an Empty Net), ST TOI (Time on Ice while Tying Skatelaces), NS TOI (Time on Ice with No Stick), TOIWASIPOTO (Time On Ice While A Song Is Playing On The Organ).

SV:  Saves.  Another pretty simple stat.  So long as you can tell what a shot attempt consists of (see above)  This stat is also divided into categories based on game situations.  I propose a new stat for Caps Goalies.  The Shots-Saves at times when the goalies are out of the crease and out of position.  So far this year it is about 0 out of 25.

Hits:  Who knows?  Honestly do you know, cuz I do not.  Half of the hits aren't even in the game coverage as the camera is already following the puck.  Seems to me like guys hit each other every single second.  Why not add a stat for puck touches, minutes wearing a helmet, and number of Canadians on the Ice.

FO Wins, GVA, TKA, BKS:  Really?  Screw you hockey I quit!