A Redskins Fan Guide To The Caps & The NHL 2013

Here are some things that Redskins fans should read that may convince them to give hockey a shot tonight.

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Rocking The Red

If you go to FedEx Field, you will often note that there are 5 billion people wearing the other team's jersey.  There are a lot of Skins jerseys, but the stadium isn't packed to capacity with maroon & black (JZ).  And my god is it annoying when there are 40,000 terrible towels waiving in Maryland, it makes you want to jump off of Gheorge Muresan's head and fall a thousand feet (or 7 and a half feet) to your death.

At a Caps game we call it "Rocking the Red".  95% of those in attendance wear red.  The other 5% are Penguins/Rangers/Flyers fans who think it is funny to wear the jersey of a team that isn't even playing, people who didn't read the invitation (which clearly said to rock the red), and the classic Guys In Pink Shirts At Wizards Games (or Caps Games).


Less Racism

The Washington Football team is called the Redskins.  The Washington Hockey team is called the Capitals.  One is more racist than the other.  Clearly the Caps.  But I did hear that Capitals call each other Capitals, so maybe it isn't racist.


Somebody Left The Gate Open

I have now seen the Bud Light Rodney flips over cheese puffs while screaming at the TV commercial 400 times this Redskins season.  It is pretty much the worst 30 seconds of my life x 400 times.




But for the Caps games we have something better.  The Beatles meet Michael Jackson meet Picaso.  It is called Somebody Left The Gate Open. While Skins fans see Rodney 400 times, Caps fans see the gate commercial 4,000,000 times (I counted).  This is pretty much the greatest song ever created in the history of the universe.  And to hear it 2 times during every commercial break for 82 games is just heaven.  I guarantee by game 3 you will be singing it in the shower, and one day you may walk down the aisle to it. (shhhh don't tell them).


Joe B & Locker

Because hockey is like normal sports, and not like the NFL, we have our own personal Capitals announce team.  While Redskins fans get to hear Dick Stockton pronounce Roy Helu 20 different ways while Rhonde Barber tries to compose a sentence, Joe B & Locker make for an entertaining, homerific hockey game.  And oh the banter...that precious banter...

Toughness

If Brian Orakpo looks at Tom Brady's Ugz, there is a 15 yard penalty and possible suspension.  If John Erskine breaks Joe Thornton's face, there might be a 2 minute penalty...maybe.


Playoffs

After the Caps Alex Ovechkin won rookie of the year, the team made the playoffs...EVERY YEAR after that.  After the Redskins RG3 won rookie of the year, he made a documentary about how great he was and then came back and started 0-3.  (Although the Caps are from DC, so its not like they ever advance far)


Hybrid Icing

It just sounds cool.  You know you want to watch it.


D'Angelo Hall Is Not On The Roster

Ok, sure he has more TDs this season than RG3 (not really), but the Onion put it best: "Has an amazing knack for gaining separation from a receiver".


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If you want even more fun, here is 2011's guide