I Used To Be Just Like You:
Like many of you Redskins fans, I didn't like hockey. I didn't just not like hockey, I kind of hated it. There were people wearing Washington Capitals shirts at the bar on NFL Sunday that weren't watching football and I wanted to punch them in the face. I felt like I didn't want to be caught dead wearing a Caps shirt because it was a mortal sin to pick a hockey shirt out of the closet over a Skins, Nats, or Zards shirt.
However, I was desperate. I needed something. The Skins were already my #1 but that isn't enough for me. I decided to screw it all. I was going to suck up my pride and start watching and writing about the Capitals.
The Current State Of The Redskins:
At this point in time, a situation has arisen that has many parallels to the NBA lockout. In a sport that you love, the team is no longer playing. Sure the Skins go out on the field every Sunday, but are they actually playing? If they didn't play last week they would have amassed the same point total. They may as well be locked out and you may as well find something else to occupy your time. That is where jumping on the Caps bandwagon comes in.
I know you are still skeptical about watching a sport played on ice that Americans don't play. Let me show you some of the things that may help ease you in to the switch from the NFL to the NHL.
- Familiar Penalty Names: Offsides, Interference, Delay of Game, Clipping, Holding, Tripping, Too Many Men On The Ice.
- Killer Animals, Swords, Satan: Teams include the Lightning, Hurricanes, Avalanche, Sharks, Sabres, Devils, and the Mother F'ing Predators, how sweet is that name. (Get to the Chopper!)
- New Sport, Same Racist Logo: Like the Native American caricature that is the Redskins logo? You'll love the Blackhawks!
- Ursidae: A Bruin is just another name for a Bear. And the NHL bears win!
- Jets: You get the same team name, without the annoying coach & QB.
- F Bomb Puns: You can make any headline great with the Ducks or Canucks.
- Better Challenges: Red flags are lame. In the NHL if something needs to be reviewed the refs contact a secret underground NHL headquarters in Toronto and overturn the call from there (not a lie, well the secret and underground part may be a lie)
- Serenity: With the NHL you will never have to see Joe Buck & Troy Aikman again and NHL announcers don't mention the Cowboys or Brett Favre every game.
- Fighting: In hockey players don't usually stomp on people’s faces (Fat Albert), spit on opponents (Sean Taylor RIP), or kick people in the groin when the ref isn't looking (Everyone). Instead they man up, and fight. Watch this and tell me you don't want to watch a little bit.
Switching From The Redskins To The Capitals:
If the NHL environment didn’t convince you to switch yet, let me tell you some reasons Skins fans should start rocking the red.
- Winning, Duh: The Capitals win games. The Redskins lose games. The Capitals make the playoffs every year. The Redskins rarely sneak into the playoffs. Every year, this IS the year for the Caps. Every year the Redskins fans trick themselves into thinking this is the year, when in fact it’s the same as every other year.
- Verizon vs FedEx: Do I have to type something here? You know how you commute 2 hours to and from FedEx for games, wait in traffic all day, have to walk 3 miles to get to your seat just to be overwhelmed by the opposing team’s fans? Well that doesn’t happen at Verizon. The metro literally takes you under the stadium = 0 miles away and everyone inside an ACTUAL sellout is wearing Red. Plus outside there are less miles of parking lots and more miles of Rocket Bars. Tix are cheaper too.
- Coaching: The Caps have a jolly old foul mouthed coach who wins. The Skins have a guy who’s face is melting off as we speak that thinks Beck & Grossman are Montana & Young.
- D-Hall: At a Caps game you don’t have to worry because D’Angelo Hall is not covering anyone (wait isn’t he also not covering anyone at the Skins games too?)
- Ovechkin: Ovi is considered a top player in the sport if not the best. Who was the last Redskin player that people said that about?
- Snyder vs Leonsis: One is a guy who is only interested in selling jerseys, buying big name free agents, suing newspaper reporters, and making life a living hell for Redskins fans. The other guy put shelves in the bathrooms so I can put my beer down while I take care of business. Nuff Said.
Are You A Caps Fan Yet?
Hopefully all of that convinced you that you should start watching the Caps. I would never have made the switch if the NBA didn't force me to and I’m loving every minute of it. I hated the sport, but gave it a chance, and now I have something fun to do a few nights a week as opposed to my usual nightly Redskins sulking. You don’t have to make a 100% switch, just make the Caps an addition to your DC sports resume.