Rooting For The Penguins? Unacceptable

The Buffalo Sabres are playing a huge game tonight against the Pittsburgh Penguins.  The Sabres are tied with the Capitals in the standings (having played one less game) and a loss by them would even the team back out with 4 games to play.

Obviously the Sabres losing really helps the Capitals in their chase for the final playoff spot.  Because of this, many Capitals fans are watching the scoreboard and rooting for the Penguins to win.  I know I'm new here, but this seems unacceptable.  Rooting for the Penguins?

"But Duggy Fresh, if the Penguins win it helps the Caps!"

Irrelevant.  You are a Caps fan.  You do not cheer for the Penguins.  How can you.  How are you.  I've been a fan for less than a season and I know not to cheer for the Penguins.  If I did I would vomit on my keyboard.  I would have to go to church and go to confession.  I would't be able to look at my own face in the mirror for weeks.

"But Duggy Fresh, what are we supposed to do?  The Penguins need to win this game to help the Caps!"

I'll tell you what you need to do.  You need to close all those popups and shut down First Row Sports.  You need to turn off the NHL package.  You need to click the x on the NHL Gamecenter.  You need to block NHL.com.

Go out.  Go to bed.  Read the Hunger Games.  I don't care what you do.  Just don't sit there rooting for the Penguins.

Then, when you wake up in the morning, check NHL.com.  Look at the standings.  You will see either the Sabres up 1 or 2, or the Caps right back in control.  It will be irrelevant who they played.  It won't be a win or loss for the Penguins.  It will be 0, 1, or 2 points for the Sabres.

So if you are one of the hundreds on Twitter rooting for the Penguins, then I'm not talking to you.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.  Perhaps if you apologize to me, to the Capitals, to the fans, and to the entire DMV, then MAYBE I can forgive your insane and awful behavior.  Until then, suck it.