This guy owns more Caps gear than Penguins gear, most with similarly terrible jokes on them. I believe he also blacked out his tooth with a sharpie to make it look missing.
And here is Caps Halloween...which is almost impossible to hear. Transcript of the story after the jump:
On Halloween night a few years ago, I was home by myself watching TV. I live pretty much in the middle of nowhere and the nearest neighbor is about a mile away. My house is in a highly wooded area off of a one lane road. The house itself is about a hundred yards from the street and it doesn't have much of a yard as it is almost entirely engulfed by the forest. It wasn't anything great to look at as it was pretty run down, but it was home. I was secretly hoping the creepiness factor would keep the trick or treaters away.
I turned out the porch light in case some kids somehow made their way to my place and sat in my favorite chair to watch TV. That night the wind was unusually high and It sounded like the branches were people tapping their fingers on the window. The wind howled in the backyard and from time to time I would hear raindrops hitting my skylights. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and for some reason I found the noises almost calming. Maybe my mind is just a little bit sick.
The eerie noises eased me into a deep sleep and I remember dreaming an unearthly dream, although I can't recall any of the details. Suddenly I was awoken by a knock at the door. "Damn kids, they always want to hit up every house," I thought to myself as I turned off the TV and got into bed.
I was almost asleep when once again I heard a knocking at the door. This time it was louder, and the knocks were closer and closer together. I wanted to murder those damn kids. Didn't they know that if the light is out the person doesn't want them to come around. Luckily the knocking stopped and I nodded off once again.
What seemed like only seconds after I fell asleep the knocking began again. This time almost unusually loud and faster and faster and more urgent than before. These knocks sent chills down my spine and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. It didn't sound like kids anymore.
I got out of bed and went to the window. Looking down I could see a dark object by the door but since my porch light was off I couldn't tell who was there. The knocking continued, louder and louder each passing knock. I was starting to become terrified but for some reason I slowly crept down the stairs as if the knocking was pulling me closer and closer with a rope.
When I got to the door I felt like I wasn't even in control of my own body. I saw my hand move slowly towards the doorknob but my mind was screaming in my head, "STOP". By this time there was nothing I could do and with an eerie creak the door opened at a hauntingly slow pace.
I collapsed to the ground and was knocked out cold by the terror. When I awoke the police were trying to get me to come to. What I saw I couldn't exactly describe to them. It was something so horrifying and so deformed that my mind erased the specifics.
All I remember is seeing what my mind pieced together as a mannish figure. A black glob of darkness. The only things visible through the night was a mullet and a circle coming out of the chest of the creature. It almost looked like a Penguin playing hockey...And his hellish cry..."I ran out of gas..." Chills me to remember.
To this day I believe on that Halloween night I saw the devil in a Penguins jersey. The police say it was just a guy from Pittsburgh that ran out of gas. My Caps friends tell me "that's just how Penguin fans look" I don't know what to believe. I just know I'm never going to Pittsburgh...ever...