Haiku Lockout

Written By Saleena Andrea

So, here we are: day 103 of the lockout.  There’s not much I can say that hasn’t been said in a variety of ways:  thoughtful point/counterpoint blog posts, insightful interviews with key players, poorly translated recaps of foreign interviews guaranteed to inflame already weary fans.  

As I read yet another prediction about yet another meaningless potential deadline, I reflect on two things hockey fans need right now:  tranquil Japanese wisdom and a new way to talk about what we’ve been talking about for 103 days already.  Therefore, I submit my feelings about the lockout…in haiku.

You all make money

Doing what lots of us would

Give anything for

Your fans are loyal

You assume we will come back

You are not afraid

Taking for granted

Know you have us by the balls

Now I am pissed off

Other sports did this

None lost entire season

Selfish freaking pricks

When you come back you

Will still charge 80 bucks for

The nosebleed level

It is not our fault

That you put a hockey team

In the damn desert

Your fans must suffer

Because you did not know that

Miami is HOT!

The sad truth is that

When this goat rodeo ends

I will still buy seats

But I swear to God

No more will I pay 10 bucks

For your lukewarm swill

We must try to help

The local places, victims

Of your petty shit

Curse you Sir Bettman

You money grubbing miser

You don’t care for us!

But Ovi, for real?

Am I supposed to think that

You don’t make enough?

Without hockey I

Remember how much I hate

Winter in this place