Haiku Lockout

DC Sports Nexus ---- Tuesday, January 1, 2013


Written By Saleena Andrea

So, here we are: day 103 of the lockout.  There’s not much I can say that hasn’t been said in a variety of ways:  thoughtful point/counterpoint blog posts, insightful interviews with key players, poorly translated recaps of foreign interviews guaranteed to inflame already weary fans.  

As I read yet another prediction about yet another meaningless potential deadline, I reflect on two things hockey fans need right now:  tranquil Japanese wisdom and a new way to talk about what we’ve been talking about for 103 days already.  Therefore, I submit my feelings about the lockout…in haiku.

You all make money
Doing what lots of us would
Give anything for

Your fans are loyal
You assume we will come back
You are not afraid

Taking for granted
Know you have us by the balls
Now I am pissed off

Other sports did this
None lost entire season
Selfish freaking pricks

When you come back you
Will still charge 80 bucks for
The nosebleed level

It is not our fault
That you put a hockey team
In the damn desert

Your fans must suffer
Because you did not know that
Miami is HOT!

The sad truth is that
When this goat rodeo ends
I will still buy seats

But I swear to God
No more will I pay 10 bucks
For your lukewarm swill

We must try to help
The local places, victims
Of your petty shit

Curse you Sir Bettman
You money grubbing miser
You don’t care for us!

But Ovi, for real?
Am I supposed to think that
You don’t make enough?

Without hockey I
Remember how much I hate
Winter in this place

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