Domesticating Ovechkin

DC Sports Nexus ---- Thursday, January 3, 2013

Taking a break from a lack of hockey to talk a little gossip...desperate times...

Alex Ovechkin is getting married.  Off the market.  A one-woman guy.  Somewhere at One Lounge, there is a barfly crying into her apple martini, realizing she will now never get a ride in that matte-black Mercedes.

My first reaction to this news was identical to my reaction to the news that Kanye and Kim have procreated, namely an interest level somewhere between how interested I am in the mating habits of dung beetles and how interested I would be in going on a date with Sean Avery.

Unfortunately, however, this news qualified as the only hockey-related news I’m likely to get this week, which forced me to give it a bit of consideration.

This time last year, I was lamenting the fact that Ovi has become more of a celebrity than an athlete.  I wished he’d spend less time behind the DJ booth and more time practicing.  I said that there was no way he’ll return to top form when he’s seen nibbling on calamari and tall blondes at 3:00 a.m. the night before a game.

Well, those of us who are married know that nothing crushes a social life more than the ‘ole ball and chain…that is, until your ability to go out is tied directly to the amount of snot coming from your child’s nose.

Maybe a domesticated Ovi is just what we need.  Whether it’s Maria’s feminine charms or marital guilt trips that keep Ovi in his bed the night before a game, perhaps we’ll finally get a rested Ovi who can not only score a goal from flat on his back, but also knows what brand to buy when the missus makes him stop on the way home from Kettler for feminine hygiene products.

Written By Saleena Andrea

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