What The H Is A "Lower Body" Injury

DC Sports Nexus ---- Wednesday, October 12, 2011

According to The Examiner, Mikey Neuvirth missed practice today and is listed as day to day with a "lower body injury". My first thought was to assume
that "lower body" meant his junk since it was so vague, but I was told that was not necessarily the case.

Now I am no doctor/scientist/mortician, but I do have a lower body of my own. So I decided to do some real reporting, and look at my lower body to find out just what it consisted of. What I found was shocking!

I discovered that my lower body consisted of several different parts. There were legs, feet, even like 20 toes! My lower body had bones, joints, muscles, and even tendons. It was like I was Christopher Columbus discovering the new world. A knee, where did that come from. What is that round thing at the back of my foot, why it appears to be a heel! Wow look at that 8 inch thing, never realized my big toe was that long.

Note: Hands only count as a lower body injury if you have them by your side

Recalling that I know nothing about hockey injury reports, I decided to see what this lower body injury really was. I assume that Neuvirth didn't injure his ENTIRE lower body. I saw this interesting tweet come up on my computer

Cool dog. So I will assume henceforth that this is a common thing.

By that logic the following injury to NBA player Shaun Livingston (Don't watch, it will make you sick) is equivalent to Gilbert Arenas stubbing his toe, losing a toenail and missing a game. Two "lower body" injuries.

At least they said he was Day to Day with a lower body injury, which narrows it down to about 2,968 possible injuries. In conclusion hockey, get rid of "lower body" on the injury report. Also never say "body injury" "human injury" "mammal injury" or anything else as pointlessly vague...


Usher said...

They say "lower body injury" so other teams don't take advantage. If you knew that someone had sprained their right ankle, you'd give them a few good whacks when you played them or you'd cut to the left instead of the right as they'd probably be slower turning that way. You have to remember that a lot of hockey players play hurt (and I mean really hurt), its their nature so giving that info out to other teams isn't in their best interest.

Chris Ford said...

I understand the reasoning for not telling the opponent the injury, Its just so funny how vague it is compared to the other sports. Why even have an injury report if there are only 2 injuries, upper and lower body.

Anonymous said...

Please, if by some stroke of bad mojo there is still basketball, please PLEASE for the love of all things holy, NEVER EVER give up on this journey on which you have embarked. Not only is hockey spectaculastic, but reading about your catechism as a hockey neophyte is completely enthralling and entertaining. Seriously.

Go Caps!!!

mlahk7 said...

in hockey they dont want to be too specific with the injury because then players from other teams will target that area to make it worse. If you just say "lower body injury", then the other teams cant take advantage of the injury because they dont really know where it is.

Unknown said...

Hockey is a game where the main thing is the protection of the body from the injuries. Stick injuries, body flexibility injuries and shots injuries forms the major thing. Similarly the body element needs some rest and lot of caring things to check further after injuries are being held.Virginia injury attorneys

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